Wednesday, July 1, 2015

I wrote yesterday, just not here!

I wrote a blog yesterday, but it was a guest blog on Maggie Elizabeth Writes and by the time I'd finished that, and given a bio to another blog that is featuring Cassie, the main protagonist from Letters, plus done all the little things towards marketing that I had to do - well the day was gone. It was a very productive day though, reinforcing my belief that things are starting to happen for my career. When the blogs are published I will share the posts here, I think they both plan to publish late this week or early next week.

This morning I was thinking about reading. Naturally I love to read, I am sure that most writers do. Yet I haven't read a book for ages, I just can't settle to read - I am not counting all the things I am reading to learn more about marketing myself, that's work. Whenever I do I feel guilty about all the things I should be doing. Or I remind myself that I should be writing. And I should be writing, I have a commitment to finish and publish the second book in the Zora series by September - and there are going to be a lot of upheavals for me during this time so I need to get on with it. I also want to have the next women's fiction book written by the end of the year. Marketing myself, that thing I hate to do, takes up a lot of my time.

So whenever I think how nice it would be to sit with a cup of tea and a book that voice inside my head says NO you must go and write. Or do something constructive. Reading is not constructive. This is wrong - reading is constructive and vital for a writer. I blame my grandmother, who always felt one should be doing something and not just sitting. Reading was a pastime best done in small quantities. Child me felt that reading was something best done all day and half the night...Did you read at night under the sheets by the light of a torch? I did.

Reading is important for everyone; on a practical level how can one learn the rules of grammar, sentence structure, punctuation and spelling if one does not read. (I always hesitate over the Oxford comma in these sentences, knowing the passion aficionados have for it and yet having been taught to not use it myself) It's like taking a music lesson once a week and never practicing. When we read we absorb these rules while ourselves being absorbed in the story. Reading can inform, teach, entertain. Reading allows the imagination to roam free. When reading a good book you are transported to another world, perhaps another reality.

The person who does not read is poor indeed. And yet, right now I am not reading. I miss it, I will go back to it, I have a list of books to read that is embarrassingly long. Perhaps when I am more established as an author I can take more time between books to do the other things I like, such as reading and my drawing, and I'm going to experiment with painting too. But then, when I get a story idea I feel driven to write it, especially one that results from a dream or a vague idea that crystallizes with a bang inside my head.

It's odd when I think about it - writing, drawing and painting. Those were the things I loved to do when I was a child (and reading of course). I wanted books for birthdays and Christmas, or colouring books. Then I grew up and tried to be the person I thought I should be. I tried on lots of different 'me' personalities. They were all a part of me, but none were the whole me. But each one seemed to suit the situation I was living in at the time so I would persevere with being just a fraction of me. I look back now and while there were undeniably happy times, and times I would not swap, I was never content within my own skin. I was always trying to fill the gap inside me without understanding what that gap was.

Now I realise that writing, drawing, painting and reading are my passions. They are what help me to grow and to become a better person. If I don't write, I'm not feeding my passion and I'm just marking time. I'm not growing or developing as  person. Does that sound strange? Well, my belief is that we are all put here on this earth for a purpose and we spend our lives searching for that purpose. My purpose is to write, and not just to write anything but to write stories that can help people dealing with difficult things in life. My first book was about child molestation, Letters is about co-dependent relationships. Even Zora is about finding your purpose in life and embracing it, and believing you are good enough - it's just sprinkled with werewolves, vampires, witches, shape shifters and fairies. The new book, still just a rough outline, is another with a deeper meaning beneath the story.

When I write I grow both as a writer and as person. When I draw I feel content and when I finish proud of what I end up with (if astonished). I have the urge to paint and I'm going to follow that urge. Follow those urges (not you, psychopathic killer) to find out your true purpose in life. I always knew I wanted to write, it's taken this long to understand what I wanted to write - to find my style. When you follow your passion you find your true purpose in life and you feel a rightness to what you are doing. Maybe you will feel that rightness for the first time in your life, if so you know for sure you are on the right path. So, listen to your instincts and follow your passion, you may be surprised where it takes you.





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