Saturday, November 30, 2013

It's all just stuff

Apparently in the States there's a thing called Black Friday, and it comes after Thanksgiving. Now being Australian I don't do Thanksgiving - or Black Friday. In fact when Amazon started sending me emails about it I was baffled because the only Black Friday I knew of was Friday the 13th and it wasn't that. I had to do a little research to figure it out - really I should just have paid closer attention to my Facebook news feed... Anyway it would appear to be like the Boxing Day sales. I'm not a real fan of those, and from the blog posts and various status posts on Facebook I'm guessing a lot of people are not a big fan of Black Friday.

But a lot are, I've seen pictures of people camping out to be ready for the doors' opening. I know there are people who genuinely need specific items and sale days like these are the way to get them at an affordable price. But I also know (because I work in retail) that a lot of stores mark up items and then mark them down, giving the illusion of a great bargain when in fact it probably isn't so great. Or they mark down items that are not good sellers to get rid of them in a rush of eager customers.

I do think that if I really truly needed a specific item and a sale like this was the only way I could afford it, I would probably go - although I totally would not camp out. However in general I have issues with these sales and not just because I don't like crowds. They seem to me to promote greed in the general public, and not only that, they perpetuate the modern myth that stuff will make a person happy.

For sure a nice wardrobe of clothes and shoes (and she confirms that yes she is a girl), a nice house full of nice furniture and knick-knacks, cool electrical gizmos, a flash car - whatever it is that makes your heart beat a little faster - those things are great. But they are only things. Buying them, owning them, may give you a rush of endorphins. But they are just stuff. If you are desperately ill are you going to want your new shoes to comfort you? If you lose a loved one, will that flash car help you to smile again? I know some of us have intense love affairs with inanimate objects but really it's a one sided love affair - the shoes, car, jewellery, they have no emotions. They are just stuff.

We need the essentials of life of course, yet there are many millions of people who do not have even the most basic of essentials. They don't need stuff, they need a roof over their heads, clothes on their bodies and food in their bellies. They need the basics while we are overflowing with stuff. Getting caught up on the conveyor belt of collecting stuff is a trap. Got the iphone 5? Now there is the iphone 5C and 5S. Will you upgrade or keep the 5? Got the latest model whatever car floats your boat? But next year will be a new model - what to do? This society is driven by consumerism - nothing new, you knew that already. But you don't have to subscribe to it. It's easy to lose your way in the excitement of new stuff, it's easy to lose yourself a little.

It feels great to buy something new, but it's a little like a drug to some and the only way to get another hit is to buy something else, and more and more. Stuff becomes the focus of life instead of just nice window dressing. And that's what stuff is, window dressing. Sure our clothes, our houses, our decoration choices give an indicator to who we are. It's a way of personalising our space and our bodies, maybe to blend in, maybe to make a statement. It's nice to have but we don't need to keep on buying. That is the consumer myth that keeps the western world afloat financially (more or less). Buy, buy, buy.

I'm as guilty as the next person of collecting stuff, clothes and shoes mainly. Teacups were another passion, so beautiful. But how many teacups can you drink tea from? And is there really any point to having new clothes all the time? It feels good to get new stuff, but the more you get the more desensitised you become, and the more you need to feel good. Just like a drug, you need more and more to have the same feelings of happiness. And around and around you go, a mouse on a wheel. Just ask any celebrity with an empty inner life and a full closet.

Stuff is not the way to be happy. Stuff is just stuff, cluttering up your house, cluttering up your life. When I did my big life changing thing, I realised this stuff -  clothes and shoes and teacups - it's just inanimate objects. They didn't make me happy, they gave me momentary pleasure for sure but it didn't last. I had to look inside myself to find myself again. I had to look deep and find the things that really make me happy.

I did a lot of soul searching. As I said in my last blog, to attract a good person and a good life, you first have to learn to love yourself and that is pretty damned hard for a lot of us - me included. To be happy with yourself, to like yourself and to love yourself (not always the same thing) is the first step towards finding happiness in life. When you change yourself everything around you changes too. Better people come into your life, you start believing you deserve happiness, and you start to value yourself.

Find your passion, and then allow yourself to fulfil it. For me, that means writing. It means that I write even though right now I'm not making much money from it. I'm not making a living as yet although I believe that I will. But I am writing because that is my passion and that makes me feel fulfilled, content and happy. I have had to allow myself to follow this dream. I have had to give myself permission to do what makes me happy instead of what others want me to do. It was surprisingly difficult to let myself sit down and write each day instead of doing something more productive - as a former partner once said to me (do something more productive, not follow my dream I mean).

And now that I'm writing, and I took that huge step without a parachute and I am pursuing the life I want instead of the one other people think I should have - I don't have a need for stuff. The rush that I used to get from new things I now get from within when I write, and from when I take the steps required to begin my new life. I see things in the stores and I think they are lovely, but I no longer feel the desire to buy them and bring them home. In fact I've been de-cluttering the house. I'm getting rid of clothes, shoes, knick-kacks - stuff. I'm slowly emptying the house and my life of things that are not necessary.

This is not to say I'm getting rid of everything and planning to become a Puritan. I am keeping certain things (such as a coffee maker) that make life easier, things that do give me pleasure like a few of my teacups that I really do love. But I'm simplifying my life and my possessions. We don't need an excess of possessions, just enough.

What we do need comes not from stuff, it comes from learning to be happy with who we are. It comes from trying each day to be an improved version of who we were yesterday. It comes from following our instincts, finding our dream and our passion and pursuing it. It comes from love - love in all avenues of life and in all forms. It comes from finding pleasure in the little things like a beautiful flower or a cat purring on your lap. It comes from a myriad of things that are not in any way connected to stuff. The happiest people are not the ones with the most stuff, they are the ones who are content with who they are and where they are in life.

You, you reading this, (and by the way thanks for reading this!), you owe it to yourself to find your passion and follow it. Follow your instincts, listen to your heart - really listen. Find what it is within you that gives you joy and follow it. Don't drown yourself in stuff, look past that. You are not the sum of the stuff you buy. You are an individual with your own purpose in this life - find it and do it and you will find your joy. And get rid of some of that stuff!





No comments:

Post a Comment